A Partridge in a Pear Tree Helps Us Keep Things in Perspective

Thinking about the "Twelve Days of Christmas" and the upcoming holiday season, it strikes me how perfect the timing is for this particular holiday. At the end of the year, it's a time for reflection about the blessings, joys, and challenges experienced through the year past. And, with a New Year approaching, it's a time to look ahead with hope and anticipation for what the future brings.

As I reflect on the hard year that our family has personally experienced, like so many other families during these tough times, it's tempting for me to fix my gaze on the challenges: my husband's job struggles, the financial problems, and the kids' health challenges (both have cystic fibrosis). And, then of course, the news reports don't help much as bad news screams from every street corner. It's hard to get away from it all!

And then I think about the song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and it reminds me of all the many blessings I have to be thankful for. I am thankful that my true love isn't giving me a bunch of birds, maids, lords, and drummers. Although five golden rings do sound nice.... And I am thankful that we don't live in the 1700's which is when it is thought this song originated. Talk about tough times!

Life then was primarily small farming communities. What you raised or grew, you ate. No electricity, running water, plumbing, internet, or Safeway. Imagine that. Probably half of the population lived at the barest survival level. The poorest families lived together, packed into just one room. There was no welfare or unemployment checks or SSI. If the king or queen didn't like you, off with your head! Of course there was plenty of civil unrest and war: both the French and the American Revolutions occurred during this time.

And then there was the medical "system." Until 1745, barbers performed surgical operations. Yup, you read that right. "Will you be getting your hair cut today or having your appendix removed?" Ewww! In fact, did you know that the red and white barber pole is thought to represent the "blood and bandages" associated with those early dual-role days?

Smallpox was a major scourge during these times. It killed 400,000 Europeans during the 1700's alone and quacks abounded. Because medical knowledge was so limited, desperate people were vulnerable to the promises made by slick and sleazy characters hence the term: "snake oil salesman."

One of the most common treatments for many ailments was bathing in spas. Or drinking spa water. Ewww again! Was that before or after everyone had their weekly bath? Bringing this to a more personal level, babies with CF died fairly soon after birth. But today, those with CF can be very hopeful about living a full, rich life due to the many medical advances we continue to see.

So, as hard as this year has been, in light of the time and place we live in now, I am thankful. Thankful for my faith, my family and friends, my work, my country, and my freedom. And, I am thankful for a wonderful community of people like you, our doctors, and the many others who dedicate their passions, skills, and lives to helping those of us who live with CF to live better. Thank you. And I'm also thankful for a "partridge in a pear tree" for helping me keep things in perspective.

*************

Lisa C. Greene is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis, an author and public speaker. She wrote the award-winning book “Parenting Children with Health Issues” with Foster Cline, MD and published by Love and Logic. For more information, see www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com.

For more Tips for CF Parents, visit Lisa’s website at www.TipsForCFParents.com.

Giving Our Child Gifts for a Lifetime: Using Tough Situations as Teachable Moments

A mom of a ten-year-old boy with cystic fibrosis (CF) shared her experience of how her son had been "interrogated," without permission, about his medical condition by two school psychologists. They wanted very detailed information including what kinds of medications he was taking, how much, and the specifics of his medical status.

Of course this loving mother was very upset and justifiably so. Who wouldn't be? After getting feedback from others within the CF community, she decided to go to the school administration and register a complaint. It's worth saying that this happened in another country, not America, so our laws here might protect our children from this sort of thing. But that's not the point of this writing.

As I ponder her story, it strikes me that she was lucky this happened. Yes, you read this right- lucky. She is lucky because now she can teach and model to her son how to:

1. Handle the situation well without being victimized by it.
2. Deal with conflict in a healthy manner.
3. Have an opportunity to experience together the challenges of life with CF that he will face out in the "real world" as an adult.

This story reminds me that as parents, it's the "little" experiences in life that add up to shape and mold who our children ultimately become. If this loving mother simply rants, raves, and complains to everyone who will listen, it is quite possible that she will raise a child who does the same. He will become a victim of his CF.

If this mom goes into the school demanding "restitution" or threatening lawsuits, this child will begin to think he's entitled and will learn that being demanding and threatening is how to resolve problems (good luck to his future wife and children).

And if this mother goes to the school with a curious, open, assertive (not to be confused with aggressive), and collaborative attitude, then she will give her son great gifts: wisdom, the ability to work out problems with others, and a "can-do" attitude.

Here are some examples of some things she might consider saying during the meeting with the school administrators:
• "I am sure you thought you had a good reason to interview my son about his medical condition and I'm curious about what that might be."
• "Is there some reason that you chose not to speak with me about it first?"
• "Are there any issues with my son here at school that led you to feel the need to get his detailed medical information?"
• "In the future, I would like to know about such interviews before they occur. If you feel like you need to speak with my son privately, I am open to that as long as we discuss it first."
• "I would like you to get my permission before you interview him in such a manner again."
• "My son feels really uncomfortable about what happened. I'd like for us to have a discussion with him to process what happened."

Handling these types of moments is never easy but unfortunately, life is filled with them whether children have medical issues or not. Of course having special needs of any kind increases the number and intensity of these moments.

And in these moments- as a parent of two kids with CF myself- when I am tempted to over-react, it helps me to remember the influence I have on my children and it causes me to pause. As my children see how I handle such moments, then they will learn to handle these moments for themselves. And when I handle it well, I will be giving my children gifts that will last a lifetime.

*************
Lisa C. Greene is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis, an author and public speaker. She wrote the award-winning book “Parenting Children with Health Issues” with Foster Cline, MD and published by Love and Logic. For more information, see www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com.

For more Tips for CF Parents, visit Lisa’s website at www.TipsForCFParents.com.

Counting on Gray Hair...

Do you ever have one of the “mommy sad” moments? When a fleeting emotion just catches you off guard and surprises you with its intensity?

The morning routine of getting kids ready for school can be a bit monotonous, even stressful at times. But this morning was fun. The kids were chatty, playful, cooperative and even ate all their breakfast (eureka!).

I sat with them in the hallway, in my robe and jammies, waiting for my carpool buddy to pick them up. Sitting on the stairs with the kids towering above me, my daughter noticed a gray hair. “Mom! You have a gray hair!” “That’s what happens when you get old.” “You’re not old! Let me pull it out.” “Oh that’s okay, more will just grow back.” “But it’s really noticeable!” “Okay- pull it out.” She pinches the hair tightly in between her fingers. Just then the horn honked and my daughter jumped, yanking the hair out from it’s root. “Ouch!” We all laughed and I kissed them goodbye and waved them off to school.

As I closed the door, still smiling, the emotion hit. I love them so much. They are such great kids. (Even though there are times that they drive me nuts with their typical kid antics like fighting with each other or leaving their junk everywhere for the “maid” aka “m.o.m”.) I can’t imagine life without them. Someday, they are going to grow up and move out and I won’t hear their excited giggles or wild laughter or find their handprints all over my freshly cleaned stainless steel appliances. I might actually miss having a warm little body come into our room at night, waking me up, and snuggling in to the “big bed” because of a scary dream.

I know they’ll grow up; they are growing up right before my eyes. I guess this is probably something all moms feel. But the emotion of the moment is especially poignant because I realize that they might “leave” home in a different way. Having what is still termed a “life-shortening illness” despite the great medical advances that continue to occur at an accelerated pace, makes me feel especially affected by the moment.

Sometimes I’m almost afraid to love them but I can’t help myself. So for now, I guess I’ll continue to enjoy our time together, moment by moment. For now, I’ll put my hope in God’s promise not to give me more than I can handle. And for now, I’ll continue to grow gray hair and keep up the faith that I’ll see theirs’ turn gray someday, too.

*************
Lisa C. Greene is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis, a certified parent coach and public speaker. She is also the co-author with Foster Cline MD of the award-winning Love and Logic book “Parenting Children with Health Issues.” For more information, see www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com.

For more Tips for CF Parents, visit Lisa’s website at www.TipsForCFParents.com.